How Do You Eat An Oreo 1/2
by cerise
Summary: Just a bit of fluff, no point, no plot, no porn-- no angst, just fun, I hope


How Do You Eat An Oreo? 1/2  
  
By cerise  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'll put them back where they belong when I'm done playing. Many mumbles about Joss, HIM, WB, Fox, Mutant Enemy and anyone else with a legal claim--not me.  
  
Rating: PG for mild language and sexual references  
  
Spoilers: Maybe tiny ones for Doomed  
  
Distribution: TO FINNatics. Review is OK  
  
Set between Doomed and A New Man, if anywhere. In my little universe, for the purposes of this story, there's only one day between the two episodes. Don't argue logic with me! It's just a story. It's just... it's easier for me that way! Suspension of disbelief, people! :)  
  
*****  
  
Buffy sat on Giles' couch and picked through a pile of magazines. "Giles, why do you have a Cosmo?"  
  
"Cosmo? Who, or what, is a Cosmo?" Giles' voice filtered faintly from the second floor.  
  
"A magazine. A chick magazine with orgasm articles and big br--well endowed women on the cover." Buffy answered as she flipped the pages.  
  
"Oh charming. I really have no idea. Perhaps Olivia left it. And Buffy, loath as I am to discourage you from reading anything, really, you're supposed to be carrying those magazines to the recycle bin, not reading them. You *were* the one who volunteered to help clean." Giles responded.  
  
"Volunteered, very funny. Last time I checked, volunteered didn't mean the same thing as, sucker, you lost the bet. You were right, there were eight vamps, not five." Buffy commented absently.  
  
Giles' voice held an unmistakable note of glee. "Oh yes, I remember... but regardless, Buffy..."  
  
Buffy tuned him out. "blah blah blah... agreement... no welshing..." "Yeah yeah yeah." she thought. But wait! Now this was something! A quiz, a quiz, a quiz. She loved these silly questionnaires, and now that it looked like she had a honey of the human variety, they were much more fun to take. Sure, she could be helping with the cleaning. Ugh. Or she could be doing research. No particular reason, there were no apocalyptic portents wafting through Sunnydale that they knew of, but demon-familiarity was always a good thing. But, she was so not in the mood. Also not in the mood for the homework that she was also not doing. Which reminded her...  
  
Willow came out of the kitchen and set two mugs on the coffee table. "Break time. You're really giving your all to those magazines there."  
  
Buffy smiled her thanks and picked up her cup. She took a sip and made a face. "What *is* this stuff, Will? No hot chocolate? No mini-marshmallows? What's the deal?"  
  
"Mean Mr. British Man doesn't have any. This is tea, Earl Grey." Willow said, in a mocking upper-crust British accent.  
  
The two girls shared a look and simultaneously put their tea on the coffee table. Willow looked over at the magazine in Buffy's lap. "Whatcha... ya know, you might be starting on the Riley-man a little early in the relationship with the gotcha quizzes."  
  
Buffy grinned. "I know. Just thinkin'. You know, how Professor Walsh said we could do behavior observance and write a short paper for extra credit? I'm just gettin' ideas. Gotta get my average up."  
  
"Extra credit, good for grade improvement. You know what's another good way? Doing your assignments. I know, sounds crazy but hey, could be worth a try." Willow said with a slight smirk.  
  
Buffy stuck her tongue out at Willow. "Yeah yeah yeah. So tell me, how many hours after you got the syllabus did *you* start the assignments?"  
  
With an exaggerated pout, Willow replied, "You dare mock me! You whose textbook still has yet to be..."  
  
"I've *opened* my textbook!" Buffy protested.  
  
"But have you actually read it?" Willow queried.  
  
"Uhhh...." Try as she might, Buffy couldn't think of a good comeback.  
  
"I thought so!" Willow cackled triumphantly.  
  
"Let me repeat, whatever." Buffy said with a smile, and turned back to her magazine. "How can you tell if he'll be good in bed" was the topic of the quiz, and Buffy read down until she reached "Question #5. How does your man eat? Does he savor his food? Does he gobble? Does he drop crumbs? How a person satisfies one hunger may give you clues as to how they satisfy others."  
  
Hmmm. Now that has possibilities. Buffy thought. That was something she could observe and maybe crank out a couple thousand words on, keep the bitch monster off her back. Hmmm. She reached in her bag to grab a notebook and jot down a few ideas, and tucked the magazine in her bag at the same time.  
  
"Ah-hhhhmmm~!"  
  
Buffy knew a pointed throat-clearing when she heard one, and she'd heard that particular vocalization from her Watcher enough to know that the time for sitting on the butt was over. She tilted her head back expecting to see his impatient expression, and Giles did not disappoint. With a quick grin, she jumped off the couch, grabbed the stack of magazines, and set off for the recycle bin in the apartment complex.  
  
Giles just shook his head as she went. "That girl..."  
  
*****  
  
But Buffy surprised him. She'd lost the bet and lived up to her end. She cleaned, she wiped, she vacuumed and swept, and in just a short time, Giles' apartment was free of all traces of the latest visit by demons with a plan for world annihilation. Why these plans always seemed to include a good ransacking of Giles' apartment she didn't know. But regardless. She and Willow had worked hard; they'd cleared out the rubble and then started on a thorough cleaning, deciding to do their good deed for the day. And Giles' house shone. At least the ground floor; he'd been upstairs while they had worked and must have gotten sidetracked in a book; they hadn't heard or seen from him the whole time.  
  
But now they were done, and Willow had taken off, saying that if she hurried she could catch the bus back to campus and meet her study group. Buffy waved as she hurried out the door as she vaulted back to her position on the couch. She heard Giles moving around upstairs and she wanted to have a little fun with him.  
  
"Ahhhh." Back on the couch, feet up on the table. Buffy relaxed. And waited. And Giles came through. He almost clucked, shaking his head from side to side. "Buffy. I must say, I'm quite disappoint--" and then broke off when he looked around his living room. Sparkling windows, every surface dust-free, the floors spotless. "My word! It even smells..."  
  
"Piney fresh." Buffy grinned at him. "Thought I was slackin', didn't ya?"  
  
Giles removed his glasses and began wiping at them with the tail of the long sleeved shirt he was wearing. "Well, I don't think I'd have used that word, but... Now, wait. Where's Willow? You aren't taking credit for her work, now are you?"  
  
Buffy put on her most insulted face and said, "Giles, I'm shocked at you! Do you really think I'd sit around while Willow slaved?"  
  
Giles smiled. So much had gotten done in such a short time, he knew it had taken both of them, and Willow couldn't have been much help with moving the bigger pieces of broken furniture and so forth. His Slayer had come through for him again.  
  
"No, Buffy, I know you wouldn't. You've done--more than I could have expected. And I think you deserve a reward." Giles replied, and then went into his kitchen.  
  
Buffy grimaced. Please, no more tea. "Uh Giles, no offense, but we went through all your cupboards while we were cleaning, and there's nothing in there that could vaguely resemble a reward."  
  
Giles emerged from the kitchen with a tray held high, and Buffy couldn't see it from her seated position. "Oh really? Well I think you may have missed one or two items." he said with a smile. He gave her feet a pointed look and Buffy quickly slid them off the coffee table, and he placed the tray in front of her with a flourish.  
  
Buffy sat up. "Oreos! And milk! Yummy! Giles, you surprise me! Where did you squirrel these away? And why did you have them at all? I mean, they're not exactly you."  
  
Giles raised his eyebrows. "And just what does that mean?"  
  
"Well they're not crumpety or sconey or any of the usual things you keep around." Buffy answered.  
  
"Well you are correct, these are another leftover of Olivia's. And I wanted to keep them for when she got back. But you deserve a treat for all your hard work. I can always get more." Giles said. Then, a bit serious, he added, "You've really gone above and beyond here Buffy. It's a tremendous help, and don't think I don't appreciate it because I do." He smiled at her, and Buffy smiled back. It wasn't often she was able to do something for her Watcher, other than occasionally killing a demon or saving the world, which of course always indirectly benefited him, but it was nice to help him out in return for all the support he'd always given her.  
  
Buffy grabbed a cookie and took a bite, and Giles' smile became a little forced. He watched the crumbs fall onto his newly cleaned couch. He sighed and Buffy looked up. "You're, you're--aahh, crumbs. Crumbs all over. Let me get you a napkin." Buffy shook her head as Giles began to fuss. Then she raised her eyebrows. Giles had gotten up, muttering a bit to himself, and she realized.   
  
Giles was back in the living room, handing her a paper towel, and she saw that he'd retrieved a plate for himself as well. He placed the plate on the coffee table and sat down on the end of the couch opposite from Buffy. She watched closely while he placed his napkin in his lap, adjusting it so it was perfectly square over his thighs, and then reached across and took a cookie out of the package and shook it slightly to get rid of crumbs. He set it on his plate, and then repeated the 'get cookie, shake, set on plate' ritual three times. Then Giles picked up the plate and put it on his lap. Buffy thought, "My god, I think he'd use a fork if he could!"  
  
Giles looked up to see her watching him and raised his eyebrows. "Yes?" he asked. Buffy plastered on a quick smile and grabbed a cookie from the package. "Nothing! Yum yum, good cookies, huh?" Giles nodded and took a small bite. Buffy noticed that he ate each cookie with exactly three bites, and he wiped his fingers free of crumbs between each cookie. "Interesting..." Buffy thought. "Ok, picky, finicky, rituals, but thorough, and he's got an appetite, tearing through these cookies, ok, yeah. Oh, I *so* do not want to be thinking about Giles in these terms, maybe I should just ask Mom... NO! Won't think about that, won't think about that... stevedore... NO! fuzzy bunnies, homework, christmas, anything but that mental image. Ohhh, ok. I've got enough on him!"  
  
Just then they were startled by a bump against Giles' door, and Buffy started up, alarmed. She began "You know Giles, you really need to look into some binding spells or protective wards or maybe just a good old fashioned alarm system. Something... this is getting ridiculous!" Giles nodded his agreement. "Not a bad idea. There are certain rites I could perform, an Ataractic Invocation... I could, hmmm, I think that volume 6 of the---"  
  
Before Buffy could interrupt, Giles' door was thrown open and Spike burst into the room, his coat held over his head, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. "Bloody hell! Coupla crazed weasels, those two, no thought to nobody, just sucking face at every opportunity, no concept of the idea of a man, well, a being gettin' immolated in the freakin' courtyard while they play tonsil hockey! It's just rude. Damn rude!"  
  
Buffy and Giles watched as Spike whipped his coat off during his tirade, throwing it on the floor and stalking into the kitchen as he ranted. Understanding dawned when they saw Anya and Xander follow him into the apartment, Anya wiping her lower lip, her face a blank, and Xander shoving the tail of his shirt into the back of his pants.  
  
"You know Spike, speaking of rude, it's just not nice to shove me into the BUSHES because you want your little mug o' blood." Xander retorted.  
  
"Oh *right*, like you know anything about manners, you wanker!" Spike answered from the kitchen. Giles stood up and Xander and Anya took the opportunity to sit down.  
  
"OOoh cookies!" chortled Xander, reaching across to the plate and grabbing several.  
Buffy eyed him as closely as she could without being obvious as Xander put a whole cookie in his mouth. His eyes closed in bliss as he chewed. "Mmm..." he mumbled through his full mouth. "I luff dees!" He continued to eat, munching and making small noises of glee.  
  
Anya picked up one cookie between her thumb and forefinger and looked at it. "Giles, do you have any whipped cream?"  
  
Giles, who had moved over to stand by his desk, shook his head in the negative with a look on his face that clearly said he didn't understand--and that he had no desire to.   
  
Anya sniffed. "Oh well, you and your orgasm friend should get some." A loud snort was heard from the kitchen at that comment, and Giles shook his head in disbelief. Anya continued. "These are much better with whipped cream, you know, the kind that comes in a can? Then the cookies stick to your body and it's much more fun, eating them off of someone's..."  
  
Xander's hand over her mouth cut off whatever was to come next, and Buffy hid a grin, thinking that this was too easy. Xander removed his hand and leaned over to whisper furiously in her ear. She listened nonchalantly, playing with the cookie in her hand, and finally her eyes lit up and she grinned and nodded. Xander moved back, shared her grin, and settled back on the couch. Anya took two cookies off the plate, held them up to show Xander, and then wrapped them in a napkin and put them in her purse. These actions didn't pass unnoticed, Buffy could hear Giles mutter "oh good lord" just under his breath and she was tempted to roll her eyes as well.  
  
Spike's entrance was a good excuse for Buffy to get up from the couch and away from the two horn dogs. When he settled on the couch with a mug in his hand she got up, though not without giving Spike a withering look. Unperturbed, Spike just blew on the heated blood in his cup. "Hey, what's this? Funny biscuits." He picked one up and bit into it, then spit it out onto a napkin. "These suck. Might be ok crumbled up a bit... but gad, why would you bother?"  
  
By this time Buffy was around the corner, writing down some quick notes. She could hear the conversation continuing in the living room, apparently Xander and Anya had meant to help with the cleaning but had gotten 'distracted' and were on their way downtown. She decided that now would be a good time to head back toward campus, and after more thanks from Giles, who tucked the package of oreos into her bag despite Xander's protests, Buffy left.  
  
*****  
  
When she got back to campus, Buffy settled at a table in the student lounge. Bad enough that she was doing unassigned homework but she wasn't going to lock herself away in her room too. Pulling out a notebook, she started writing down all her impressions, filling in the quick notes she had written in Giles' hallway.  
  
continued in part 2  



End file.
